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The ID numbers in the left column were supplied to entrants in their acknowledgement emails; we have not used their names here, to preserve their privacy. If you have lost your ID number and forgotten the title of your entry, and can thus not identify your judging comments below, you may contact us to ask for the acknowledgement email to be sent again. Note: the comments were made during judging, when the stories were totally anonymous. Where a full critique was requested, this is indicated. There is still time to request a critique.
JUDGES' OBSERVATIONS:
This category's entries were nearly all of a very high standard! However, many entries could have done with much more attention to polishing. Marks were taken off where it was obvious the entrant hadn't read our general guidelines and had not targeted their work based on this being a Christian competition, or on our publishing mores - they hadn't researched their market.
Formatting was, for some reason, usually as for a business letter (blocked paras with extra lines between them) rather than a proper short story format. Fonts were often sans serif instead of serif such as Times (sans serif are not as easy on tired eyes). Courier is not a font we recommend for competitions entries; it's usually used for TV or film scripts to enable a quick estimate of overall timing (it shouldn't be used for manuscript submissions, either, by the way).
On the whole a very pleasing batch of stories and a pleasure to read!
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CH0001
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Lovely Peggy
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(Full critique to be sent.) Very well written per se, but lost marks for using blasphemy and foul language in a Christian entry! I was a bit confused by all the Ireland references in the beginning and then the sudden switch to the American setting; the distinction wasn't made clear enough. The lyrics at the end were unnecessary padding, except possibly for the final "Feast of the Assumption" which did enhance the story.
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CH0002
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The Song of a Soul Set Free
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Punctuation needed polishing, but otherwise a lovely gentle story with an emotive ending, nicely written but a little predictable.
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CH0003
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The Hidden Threat
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(Full critique to be sent.) Well written, with good insights into commitment and the desire for freedom. Not sure why this was entered into the Christian competition, as there was no Christian content or theme as such.
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CH0004
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Extraction: Afghanistan
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Excellent story, well presented and written, well polished, with an exciting baseline and awesome concept that had me wanting more at the end.
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CH0005
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The Traveller
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(Full critique to be sent.) Good message that came across clearly. Every now and then language is used that isn't in keeping with the feel and tone of rest of the writing or the Christian theme; lost marks for this.
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CH0006
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The Road Not Taken
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Beautifully written, tender fictitious account, a supposition that could easily be true; the Bible tells us Jesus was tempted in every way, and this is a lovely description of how he may well have dealt with a deep and painful personal sacrifice that indeed is a temptation so many of us go through. Presentation and fulfillment beautifully carrried out.
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CH0007
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A Place of Skulls
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(Full critique to be sent.) Well written as a word-smith, but the content was confusing and talked around itself in a network of philosophical meandering that didn't really seem to get its message across very well.
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CH0008
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Amanda's Story
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The message is strong and very moving. Great promise shown, but the writing style a little pedantic and needs work for flow. Punctuation should be looked at for ways to increase impact. Several missed opportunities to improve the power of the writing. In places a bit stilted and a little predictable; other places seemed odd and hard to credit.
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CH0009
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A Labour of Motherhood
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Nice easy conversational style, but punctuation lets down the writing. With care, punctuation could strengthen the whole impact of almost every sentence. The writing can be a little confused in places; needs more clarity. The earth-side of the story is compelling, but the spiritual side was very airy-fairy and odd. It clearly does mess around with the Christian perspective on souls and angels, so lost marks on this and on punctuation.
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CH0010
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Souls Unaware
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Spiritually deep, revealing, and moving. Well written, good progression, though attention to paragraphs and occasionally to punctuation would greatly improve both flow and impact.
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CH0011
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A Great and Glorious Mystery
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Awesome! What a fantastic perspective and setting. Characters well drawn, emotions high, and a clear strong message of the Messiah. Very well written; a pleasure to read and to be moved by.
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CH0012
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It's Not All Bad News
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Nice enough progression, but without much overall depth or impact. Polishing of punctuation needs more care. Although the topic should have moved me, the story itself didn't, somehow.
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CH0013
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Consequences and Forgiveness
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Nicely written, concise but with everything necessary, and presented well. Good progression, and not overly emotive, but still impactful. A few punctuation details would add to the strength of the writing.
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CH0014
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A Lesson Learnt
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A clever and meaningful parable, told with colour and interest. Mistakes showed that more polishing was needed, but I enjoyed this.
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CH0015
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Jacob's Follower
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(Full critique to be sent.) A rather strange tale that left me wondering what the truth was - light and shadows without clarity. A bit intangible. Phrasing a bit strange at times, with odd word choices.
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CH0016
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The Bread of Saints
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What an utterly charming story! Well written, well worded story-telling wrapped in a quirkiness that gave it outstanding character. Visual and impactful.
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CH0017
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Redemption
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Very vernacular (in character as much as wording) and endemic to the South African experience, thus it struck chords with me that it may not have with the English and American judges. For me it was well drawn and I found it easy to visualise the characters, and to hear them speak, though the ending was a little insubstantial. I felt a date at the beginning would have indicated more clearly the era, since threats of the Immorality Act would no longer be relevant and there is nothing else to inform non-South African readers that this is in the past (or, indeed, what the Immorality Act was). Also, a bit more attention to use of paragraphs would benefit the writing.
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CH0018
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Not Bread Alone
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Lovely! Well written, with good use of the present tense giving us the ability to watch events through Mary's eyes, innocent and naive, a child-woman whose hunger came across so well. Well rounded ending, with a good punch line. I did feel it was unnecessary to spell out the situation in the first paragraph; it would have been more impactful to start with the second para, dropping the first altogether.
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CH0019
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Summer's Sheltering Storm
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Very evocative descriptions bringing all the senses into play, but in places could be trimmed, or tightened. Be careful not to overuse adjectives, or the impact is lost. Well told, but could be improved by intertwining the scenes more and giving better resolution at the end regarding the rescuers' plight.
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CH0020
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Awakening to an Apple
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An unusual story; feels as though it belongs to part of a meditational-style book of similar insights. Well written, using shock and emotion well in a modernistic parable that leaves the reader thoughtful and, hopefully, slightly changed. I'd have rewritten the first para slightly but otherwise the writing is sharp; puts us directly inside the writer's experience.
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CH0021
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The Guardian
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A sweet story, though in complete disagreement with Biblical knowledge of angels as created beings and not the souls of humans. Lost marks for this incorrect portrayal. Otherwise quite well written, good momentum and description.
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CH0022
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Shattered Memories
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An interesting parable, but the story itself contained contradictory elements, particularly in that the image of Kate's parents drawn in the story doesn't tally at all with the statements that she had suffered horrible abuse. What abuse? Who by? Surely not these nicely-portrayed parents?? Other than this, quite well written, though writing itself could be stronger.
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CH0023
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The Only Message They Heed
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A good, strong message, but the story itself was too brief in its information and thus left me unsatisfied. Where were they? Who were they? Russia? Palestine? Poland? It just didn't go far enough to tell the whole story, and thus the message is somewhat lost.
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CH0024
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Answered Prayer
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(Full critique to be sent.) An amusing anecdote with a message: sometimes we choose the wrong path, thinking it's God's provision. However the characters were inconsistent, never a good thing in a short story, and the writing needed more strength to catch the reader's literary attention.
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CH0025
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Love Letter from Heaven
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A very sweet and emotive story, nicely written, though more attention to polishing the punctuation is in order. I found the premise a little unlikely on the whole, but that's just me!
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CH0026
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Mistaken Identity
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A charming traditional "fairy story" style - not sure why it was entered into the Christian competition. I found the change in the Prince rather hard to believe, as there was no progression period in the story - he went from a surly young idiot drinking with commoners (apparently) and showing no respect for King, country, or betrothed - to suddenly being caring and compassionate and protective. The whole story needs fleshing out more, and could thus be vastly improved.
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CH0027
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Caught
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A wonderfully written "could have been" story of the woman caught in adultery. Well worded, carefully crafted, with depth and compassion mingled with shock and horror, and finally a beautiful portrayal of Jesus. Great message value!
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CH0028
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Hosea's Story
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Interesting rounding-up of the Hosea story, but the colloquial conversational style was overdone. Punctuation and phrasing need work, as they are diluting the strength of the writing instead of being instruments in making it more powerful. This is the Hosea of Biblical times; don't muddy the waters by making him think in modern language and inferences to things he would have known nothing of; it lessens the believability factor and makes the reader uncertain and untrusting.
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