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NOTES:

YOUNG WRITERS' SHORT STORY COMPETITION 2008/2009
SECOND PLACE

Please note: this work is copyright by the author and may not be used, copied or shared in any way whatso-ever without his/her express written permission. If you wish to be put in contact with this author, please contact us.

This story text appears exactly as sent in by the writer. No changes or corrections have been made; however, all stories to be included in the published Anthology will be edited for grammar and punctuation before printing.

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"Am I Of Worth?"

by Katurah Reeve (14 yrs) - Lincoln, Lincolnshire, UK
(Ages given are at time of entering the competition)
 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Katurah Reeve: "My main passions in life are reading, writing and playing piano. i absolutely love losing myself in books and i find it breath-taking how words on a page can take me on adventures to places i can only dream of and allow me to journey through numerous character's minds and one day i want to be able to achieve such a thing with my writings. i hope to have a piece of work published and to extend my short story into a novel. my mum always used to say, " Give Katurah a pen and a piece of paper and she will be content." and personally, i feel this is a very true statement. besides writing and reading, music is a major part in my life and so playing and listening to it have also helped influence a few short pieces of work. i love to swim and go on walks through the countryside and enjoy having my family around me."
 

COMMENTS FROM JUDGES:

A good insight into the feelings of an abandoned child. Emotive and well written on the whole, with passion. Shows great promise. It covered several strong issues: abandonment, bullying, adoption, loneliness, and friendship, and also had good structure - all three acts were clear and present, and well balanced. As constructive criticism I would offer this: (1) Currently it's a bit unrealistic regarding the adoption process - always do your research carefully; if the reader realises what you're saying isn't believable, or catches you in an error, they will lose trust in you as a writer. (2) It would have more emotional impact if the adopting couple had really appealed to Mia, if it was the first time she really really wanted to be noticed - instead of her not liking them or the way they smelled. If she really liked them, and they overlooked her, it would emphasise the sadness of the situation, and then when they come back for her it would raise the joy. (3) It might also have helped had you given an indication of where the orphanage was in the world - you describe very third-world conditions that would not be found in England, so you should bring into the story the country you've set it in. (4) Watch use of words. Be sure you fully understand the use of a word in the context of your writing; the context can change the meaning slightly. (5) The beginning concentrates very much on Kayleigh. We don't need to know this much about a character we aren't going to see again and who has no further influence on the story.

NB: As you had not sent a digital file, I needed to type the story out, and I have tried to copy-type exactly as the story appears on the paper manuscript you sent, including all typos and errors. This is because all the other stories were simply transposed from their digital files in order to preserve their original presentation, so I needed to achieve something similar with yours. I hope that I have done a good representation!  
 

THE STORY:

The sunset pierced through the low clouds as Kayleigh traipsed down the empty dirt track. She squinted as the array of colour shone across the dimming sky and flooded into her green eyes. The light reflected off her dark hair and illuminated her skin, causing it to glimmer a soft, peach colour.

Taking a quick glance over her bony shoulder, she stooped down and laid a sleeping child beneath the eerie glow of a streetlamp. On the firm ground, she placed a small note, filled only by a spidery scrawl reading 'Mia'. She then straightened up and let out a quiet sigh before walking briskly off into the distance.

Not once did she look back at what she had left. She never even turned to say a final farewell. She just kept on going, gradually fading away into a pin pick of a figure, silhouetted against the purple sky.

The child; a young girl of about 4 years old, lay asleep, unaware that she had just been abandoned and would never see her parents again. As she slept, the breeze ruffled her tangled hair and swept across her insignificant body. The sun was dying rapidly and soon this warm evening would diminish as the darkness bled in through the nearing horizon.

A short while later, Mia was found by a young man. He stared down on her, contemplating. Finally, he concluded that she should be taken to the Fundamentalist Orphanage. He left the infant in the arms of a stout, flat haired lady of about forty, explained the predicament then walked out of that child's life, just as her parents had done.

The lady slumped Mia in the corner of a small room and lumbered out of the door.

As far as anyone else was concerned, it was just another forgotten child.

Mia awoke in a small grey room heaving with dirty, malnutitioned children. Many of them slept; their scrawny bodies balanced precariously on chairs or leant against one another. Others sat motionless, staring at the plain walls, no real facial expressions present. They bore only a vacant look of not knowing or caring what would happen to them next.

As Mia perceived those around her, she became aware of ther mother's absence. Scrambling to her feet, she began searching the room. She commenced shoving children out of her way, a frantic hope that somehow she was concealed behind them. Nowhere.

Defeated, she slid back down into the corner and began to sob, lulling her head in her dirty hands and tucking her knees up to her chest.

After a few moments crying, a severe looking woman with slightly crumpled, ochre skin and bushy, yellow-blonde hair tapped her on the shoulder.

"Could you keep it down?" She whispered, a hint of harshness underlying her tone. "I know you miss your mummy but she's gone." She continued flatly. Mia instantly ceased her weeping, trying to comprehend this news.

After about an hour of silent waiting, she was led into a reasonably large room and told to 'stand still and wait for the lady'. Peering around, she saw what she, and everyone else, would be sleeping in. They called them cots but were no such thing. They were shabby and resembled animal cages meticulously piled on top each other. Stacks of them lined the walls in what she later named the 'sleep room'.

She stood obediently for a few minutes before the same woman reappeared. A cot door was opened and Mia was hoisted up and unceremoniously pushed inside its gaping jaw. The only words spoken as the door slammed, were, "Keep quiet and go tosleep." Then the rusty latch was fastened to keep her from escaping its clutches.

Mia's first night in the cot was terrible. She didn't attempt to sleep but lay hunched in the corner, her neck bent against the cot above. All night she contemplated what she had done so awful to cause her mother to leave and what warranted her being locked up and kept quiet. Why all her precious possessions had been taken and why she was now left with out a friend in the world.

* * *

Dawn finally burst into the speckled sky and turned its darkness to a timid blue. The light broke through the crack in the heavy olive drapes and blinding beams splashed up the walls, sieving through the mesh of the cots opposite.

It was only a few moments after dawn that the sleepers were awoken by a fierce rapping on the tops of their cots. With barely enough time to wake effectively, they were dumped into chairs and presented with watery, grey porridge.

After breakfast the children were allowed some free time before returning to their cots in order to wait for lunch and schooling hours. This so called freedom was purely an excuse the adults used to escape their duties of caring for the children.

Mia followed the swarm of youngsters to the play/schoolroom. Lingering in the doorway, she examined the vile, mustard-yellow walls, the warped table and the dingy carpet. The grimy corners stood bare and the one tall window was crooked and had no curtains.

The toys were scarce. The room merely consisted of a few tattered books, a sponge ball, a skipping rope and a couple of small figurines – and these were supposed to entertain nearly 30 children!

It was hardly surprising to see the children form their own groups of friendship and aspire to picking on any one not in their clan. Being a ‘new comer’, Mia had no one.

She was looking at the pictures in one of the books when a girl; easily twice her size, approached her.

“That’s mine!” her voice rang, shrill and out of tune. The unexpected shout made Mia jump. Without arguing, she handed over the book and picked up another. A low growl came from the girl and again she screeched. “Get off them! They’re all mine!”

Mia received a slap from one of the other girls and erupted into tears seconds later. She dropped the books and ran to the door, screaming for help. No one came. No one would.

When the bullying began, Mia did everything she could to stay out of their way, but when you’re trapped in one room with no supervising adults or at a table, learning in silence, it’s hard to accomplish such a task. Each day was hell. Mia knew what was going to to happen yet she couldn’t tell any one, nor could she fight back. She was powerless against the group of older girls that were brutally tormenting her.

As time grew on, it reached the point where Mia would no longer bother to defend herself, often asking if she was worth the effort of doing so. She saw it a pointless resistance because no matter what she did, they would still hurt her, whether it was physically or emotionally. So, instead of cowering, she simply plonked herself in front of the crooked window and awaited her punishment for being so worthless.

Silently, she would stare at the mirror-imaged child before her, gazing into her watery eyes, feeling the same fear she did, feeling every ache, pain and loss that she did; wanting so much to share it or to make it right yet knowing it wasn’t possible.

Past her reflection, she saw her real desires. The open fields, meadows and freedom that so liberally meandered around her imprisonment. She yearned for its vastness to swallow her up; to take her away from the torture she lived through whilst inside the orphanages grasp.

Each night before she slept, she would pray; an act her Christian teacher had impressed on her to try. As a result, Mia would cry out in prayer, pleading for an end to her torture, praying earnestly for forgiveness for being such an imperfection in the eyes of the world. She longed for her life to end or at least for her misery to cease. She soon gave up though, realising that this plea would never be answered.

2 years passed in torment before Mia finally found another human being that treat her as an equal. Her life almost had a turn around the day she met Neive, a new girl, brought in on a cold February morning.

* * *

Neive stood in the doorway, wearing red Wellington boots and faded dungarees. Her freckled face was almost buried beneath her woollen scarf. She had red hair that danced frantically around her face and tumbled down her back.

For a moment, Mia’s pallid green eyes met with Neive’s huge, honey-brown ones. Looking hastily away, she never got chance to see the toothy smile that was flashed at her.

“Hey!” Neive said loudly, as she came tottering over. Mia begrudgingly looked up to see her bright smiling face. “I’m Neive.” She continued in her bouncy voice, holding out a hand for Mia to shake. Unsure with what was going on, Mia cautiously held out her hand and was surprised when pulled to her feet and embraced by the stranger.

As the weeks went on, they grew closer together and became accustomed to each other’s mannerisms. Mia even spent time away from the window, learning how to play simple games such as hopscotch and tag. Even the bullying was momentarily subdued. Mia was astounded that she was being treated kindly and that some one was willing to use up their time on her. For the first time, she was a person and not a defect on the human race. She could actually relate to this stranger an ally. Mia admired everything about Neive and never wanted their friendship to end. She had finally started to enjoy life, even if it was in an orphanage.

Unfortunately, in Mia’s case, all good things come to an end. And on June 14^th, adoption day arrived.

Once a year the orphanage held an open day, allowing couples to select a child, or children, to adopt. Mia had always dreaded it, as she knew she would never be picked. She wasn’t pretty enough or cute enough to be wanted by anyone. Neive was the closest thing she had to family and she didn’t want that to change.

Silently, she stood beside Neive, clad in her floral print dress, fingers knotted behind her back and smiling broadly. So far, she had been unsuccessful in all her pathetic attempts to make anyone feel compassion towards her ugliness.

“10 minutes ‘til we close to the public!” A coarse voice rang out. Mia was growing impatient and fidgety. “Don’t worry, not much longer.” She whispered to Neive, who still looked as lively as ever.

One couple left the room. They scanned quickly past Mia and she was glad. She didn’t like the way they dressed – or smelled. However, the couple did not scan as quickly past Neive. They stared at her for a while and spoke in hushed tones. Finally, the lady chirped up, “Erm, excuse me!” She cleared her throat and continued. “ We’re interested in this child here.”

The words hit Mia like a thousand knives; her heart skipped a couple of beats. Everything went dark as she lost herself in daunting thoughts. She hadn’t time to re-submerge into reality before she was waving goodbye to her most treasured possession who peered form the back of a shiny car as it drove soundlessly away. Mia stared after it in disbelief, tears spilling down her porcelain cheeks. Once again she was alone, helpless and afraid.

Then something happened she didn’t quite expect. The tyres halted and the car door flung open. Neive jumped out and was now hurtling towards them. Without thinking, Mia too began running. They converged and embraced, both crying relentlessly into each other. “Please don’t leave me!” Mia pleaded through her sobs. “I’m not going anywhere with out you!” Neive promised.

Mia let go, her expression unreadable. “I’m going with you?” Her voice was barely audible. Neive nodded vigorously, almost laughing with excitement. “Grab your things, they won’t wait forever.”
 

Copyright (c) 2009 by Katurah Reeve - do not reproduce
without the author's written permission!

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